It's 8am on July 28th. I slept as long as I could before I started to over-think every little detail of my life. I don't want this to get to morose with the details right now so I'm going to try and express this gently.
I mentioned the date because I like to know when things change, I like to look back and see when shit hit the fan or when things were great. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what today means for me yet. God knows who will be my wife someday and he will make sure I know that too as long as I keep pestering him about it. But Lord knows I can't date anymore. Over these next few days, weeks, months I'm going to sulk into a hermit state and kick myself in the ass and eventually I'll snap out of it, but I will not move on- I refuse.
I'm trying not to be angry at all the things that haven't happened yet like spending my birthday alone or missing out on awesome dinners for two or taking pictures with my best friend. I'm trying not to get sad already about the jealousy that I'll be fighting and the not knowing that will occur and the venting that (just like what I'm doing now) will have to be done in order to make me feel more human through all of this.
What can I do that I am not already doing?
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