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I just took a bath of milk and honey to try and ease the hurt but just like Job says,

 

"When I think my bed will comfort me and my couch will ease my complaint, even then you frighten me with dreams and terrify me with visions, so that I prefer strangling and death, rather than this body of mine." 

I don't even know what to think of all that. I just know this feeling is something I cannot get through without God bringing me through it. I pray that God would open my eyes to his love and open my heart to his truth. Then I will have no complaints. Because he loves me so much,  I will have no complaints. 

I dreamt last night that I shaved my beard off in the mirror and when it was all gone I felt beautiful and I wasn't afraid that I was ugly underneath. It was a good dream. I can't wait to be at peace within myself.  I think I am finally ready to trust in my God and learn all that he has to show me about myself.

Let the restoration begin.