24

I'm a fucking idiot. There is no getting around it. I blame it on women. I blame it on being raised the only boy in a family of girls. I blame it on barely having a father growing up or something..or something, I mean shit. I'm an idiot. 

I need my life back damnit. I'm a happy person, I swear...but then women happened and I became crazy. I think it was college, yeah college. That was when I went crazy. It doesn't matter, I just know I want my life back and I don't want to be anything but my self all the time starting now.

If you pray, pray for that. Pray that I can be my self and quit this insecure bullshit of a life I've seemed to manifest because of circumstances that seem beyond me. 

I need a fresh start, I gotta have it. I hate love.

23

It's getting colder out and almost all the ac units have been pulled from the window sills. The closet where I keep most of my ragged pea coats and jogging pants has been rummaged through for all winters best. I have this warm craving to lye in bed during the days and read nothing but Carson McCullers.  To have someone tell me something true about love and  remind me of why I need it time and time again is well worth a second and third read.  

I don't like winter much - i'm a summer child. No clothes on, warm grass, sun. These days I day dream of being in a scolding hot bath boiling like a lobster splashing warm water over my beard and neck. 

2 Kings 2:17-22

I may be feeling the Lord call me deep under his wing right now. I've given him room to work in me and I know he is taking full advantage of that. Praise God that I am not alone through Christ.